


Carry On

by Strain_of_the_Stress



Series: Tales of the Commonwealth [3]
Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Resource war, Romance, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2015-12-30
Packaged: 2018-05-10 09:28:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5580298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Strain_of_the_Stress/pseuds/Strain_of_the_Stress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Having won the fight against Kellogg, Will reacts to not yet finding his son.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Carry On

**Author's Note:**

> IMPORTANT NOTES: So, I wanted to explore a bit of Post-Kellogg Will, see what that did to me. There are parts of this which hint at PTSD, depression, and attempted suicide, so, let me say this loudly: IF ANY OF THE CONDITIONS PRESENTED IN THIS STORY ARE REPRESENTED INACCURATELY OR INSENSITIVELY, LET ME KNOW AND I WILL WORK TO CHANGE THEM OR DELETE IT ENTIRELY. Now that that’s out of the way, hope you enjoy it, and feel free to give me feedback (since I LOVE feedback, I can live off of three comments for weeks without other nourishment.)

 “I’m glad that’s over. Blue, how you… Blue?”

The dust and smoke from the battle in the room settled as Piper spun around, Will nowhere to be found in the aftermath. Panic ran through her heart as every worst case scenario, every stray bullet and fatal wound and grey-skied funeral happened instantaneously in her head, her press cap falling off, unheeded as she whirled around the numerous terminals in the room. Her heart pounded against her rib-cage, threatening to burst free as she saw blood on the ground, followed it around the room until she found a form, crouched ten feet away from Kellogg’s newly dead body,  near the entrance.

“Blue? You good?”

Despite her best efforts, the panic from her voice resolutely refused to leave as she approached with poorly concealed haste. As she watched Will’s green-clad form heave a large breath, an immense sigh of relief left her lips, her steps slowing down as she saw that he was just kneeling, not shot or dead or dying. Slowly, she noticed that his breaths were heavy, even for post-battle adrenaline, this whole torso convulsing rhythmycially. She watched as he fell back into a strewn seated position, legs cast forwards carelessly, hands falling to his side as if he didn’t know, or didn’t care where they were. Maybe it was the bow of his head, maybe it was the arch of his shoulders or the carelessness with which he threw his hands to the ground, but Piper didn’t think she had ever seen a man so… broken.

Slowly, she walked towards him, the silent sobs just barely audible over the settling smoke.

“Blue. Will. What’s wrong?”

Will’s shoulders jumped slightly as piper spoke, clearly startling him, and his right hand came up quickly to try and dry his eyes, his left supporting him as he went to stand, shaking his head silently, trying to muster his strength, trying to stop his crying. Piper ran over, gentle hands pushing Will back on the ground, no protest raised by the still crying man, as he sat back down, Piper settling on his right, pulling his hand away from his face with his left, lifting his chin to face her with her right. He turned his head, trying to shield his tears, his weakness from her, clenching his eyes shut so hard his tears couldn’t possibly keep falling and the pain couldn’t possibly keep coming, his bottom lip trembling.

A soft thumb wiped the tears from his cheeks as soft lips found his, a gentle kiss preceding a sympathetic smile as Piper spoke, softly, cradling Will’s head into her shoulder, rocking him back and forth gently as she spoke.

“Hey, listen. It’s okay to cry, honest, I don’t mind. But you’re not alone, you’re never alone. Not so long as I’m here. And you know I’m nosey enough that I’ll find out what’s wrong eventually.” The smallest of chuckles came from Will, his eyes shutting tighter immediately afterwards, new tears falling only to get picked up by Piper’s thumb. “So, tell me: What’s wrong?”

Deafening silence ruled over the cavernous room for infinite seconds before Will nodded, taking a deep, steadying breath as he prepared to share, lay everything out for her. The smell of gunpowder and copper burning slightly in his nostrils, the perfume of death which had begun to hang around Kellogg, a smell he was all too familiar with, just starting to mix in. He took his hand out of Piper’s, wiping his eyes before nodding again, a few sobs rocking his frame while he collected himself and his thoughts, his eyes staying shut as his soft voice started to fill their private corner of the room.

“I… I want it to be over. I want to wake up. I don’t want this anymore. I never wanted this.”

Will started sobbing, in earnest again as he finished his statement, a soft keening coming over the powerful exhales as his hands dropped to his side and Piper took one and squeezed it, a small reminder of her presence, something which he clung to so desperately. Slowly, he began again.

“I had a son, a wife, I had a life. I was done; with the war, the violence, I did my time, did my duty. I was going to settle down, take care of Shaun, be the dad I never had the chance to have. Nora… she was going to go practice law, be the lawyer she always wanted to be. It was all going to be good. Life was good. Or, it would have been. But then…”

“Then the world fell apart.”

“Then the world fell apart. Without me. I got put away, packed up like some goddamned toy while everything decided to go to hell. And when I woke up… This wasn’t the world I wanted. It isn’t the world I want.”

“I know, Blue, I know…”

Slowly, Will’s voice got angry, months of pent up rage with no target, no instigator beside the immutable forces of fate itself to fight against.

“This isn’t how it should be. I shouldn’t be here. I should have a son, watch him grow up in a house, with friends, play ball with him and help him with his math homework, not in some godforsaken wasteland fighting against robots and psychopaths and giant ass crabs. I shouldn’t have to kill anymore. Dammit, Piper, I did enough killing. I’ve seen enough war! There’s more blood on my hands than I can ever wash away, and I was going to be done! I did my time, fought my battles. So why the hell are there more! What kind of fucked up world does this! I don’t want this! Any of it! And just because that wasn’t fucking enough, Shaun’s all grown up!”

His outburst spent, Will’s tears ran dry as he hung his head, his voice getting quiet as Piper watched with breaking heart.

“I wasn’t there. For any of it. He probably doesn’t even know who I am. Those bombs should have killed us. At least then Nora wouldn’t have had to watch her son get stolen, and I would have been given some kind of peace…”

He had barely finished his sentence before a hand swiftly struck his right cheek, causing him to flinch and throw his eyes open, staring down a now kneeling Piper, the look on her face a terrifying mix of anger, fear and sadness. She spoke quietly, so much so that he almost couldn’t hear her.

“Don’t say that, Will.”

The air in the room became electrified as Will stared into Piper’s eyes, an unwarranted anger bubbling inside him as the frustration which  hadn’t yet spent itself massed itself inside his throat. He jumped up, tears streaming openly against his face, burning his way down his cheeks as he spoke, his voice loud, intense, a few passionate steps from yelling.

“Why not? Huh? Why the hell not? Because this is such a paradise? Because I wanted to get frozen for two hundred years and wake up in the middle of some nuclear-apocalypse hell?”

“Blue, don’t…”

“No. I’m not going to stop. Because you know what? Those bombs should have killed me. Would have been more humane. Would have been right. I deserved to die. You know how many people I killed? In the war? Too goddamned many. And the worst part is, I did it thinking I was doing the right thing. That I was defending my country, keeping people safe. Yeah, great job I did at that! Look how well that turned out. You know, I can even live with that, lord knows there were enough nights with a gun to my temple and bottles of whiskey by my side when I came home to hide those particular skeletons in a very, very large closet. But now the killing just doesn’t stop, does it? I can’t go two feet without getting thrown back into it, being shot at again. I can’t even try to find my own fucking son without having to murder a man. And I do it. I kill them, sure I give it lip service to try and talk them down, but I’m still pulling that trigger, aren’t I? Still holding the smoking gun. What the hell does that make me?”

“Stop it. Right now.”

Piper’s voice was louder, angrier, volume waiting behind her fierce eyes as she stared down the manic face in front of her.

“No. Because that’s another thing. I grew up without a dad. Sad story, whatever, I stopped caring about the time I figured out he wasn’t ever coming back. But I wasn’t going to be that dad. Shaun was never going to grow up that way. But apparently the universe had other plans. Apparently, whatever god there is has too fucked up a sense of humor to let that happen. No, now he grows up in some kind of hellscape, raised by a psychopath after his mother gets shot trying to protect him and I spend his childhood as a human popsicle. You know what would have been better? If we had all just been turned into shadows by that bomb. Just stayed outside a little too late. Would have been quick, easy, more humane for all of…”

“WILL, STOP IT!”

Piper’s voice shattered the tirade, slicing through the air in the room, her fists clenched at her side as her jaw worked at her teeth and her eyes burned a hole through Will’s. His chest grew, the anger only increasing behind his throat before he let out a breath, deflating like a balloon as Piper spoke, barely controlled bitter anger and empathy behind her words.

“Just, stop, for a second, and listen, will ya? Yes, this world sucks. Trust me, I know it. You know how many friends I’ve lost? To raiders? To Super Mutants? Jesus, even just to getting a cold? It’s deadly, out here. I know. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry you’re here, sorry you had to get frozen, wake up in a world you never wanted. I’m sorry Shaun’s gone and I’m sorry you have to go looking for him. I’m sorry Nora’s dead, and I’m sorry this world is such a wasteland. But I’m not sorry you’re alive, Blue.  Because you are a good man, and you’re exactly what this world needs. You’ve got blood on your hands, some skeletons in your closet. Who doesn’t anymore? Belongings weren’t the only things left broken by the end of the world, you know. But you help people. You stand up to bullies like the Gunners, or Super Mutants, or Raiders. You’re a good guy. You help people here. We need you.”

A short pause filled the room momentarily before Piper began again, her voice softer, quieter.

“I need you.”

Will’s eyes softened as he looked a Piper, saw the tears which threatened on the lids of her eyes, the vulnerability which she gave him with such trust. The anger and frustration still roiled within him, running over his stomach and churning his mind until he saw through a haze and felt his judgement go out the window; but now it mixed with sadness, affection, almost happiness. He hanged his head, his eyes looking down at his dirty shoes, as old as he was, the dirt and blood and grime from the past few weeks caked upon the soles. His voice was soft, sorrowful, tears trying to fall if not for no water to form them.

“Piper, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that.”

Soft clicks from Piper’s shoes echoed through the wall as she walked over to him, standing in front of him, taking his face into her hands again as she raised it up, staring intently into her eyes as she spoke urgently, needing him to understand her.

“Don’t be sorry. Everybody needs to cry out every once in a while. I’m a reporter, I’m used to sad stories and getting yelled at, usually at the same time even. Just don’t ever let yourself think you should have died. Because you shouldn’t have. I like you too much, love you too much, to let anybody say that, even yourself. You’re a good man, a dedicated father. I know it’s going to be hard, I know this world is never what you wanted, and I know you want to go back to where you were. And if you ever find a way too, let me in on it too, because half the time I want to leave too.  Nat deserves better than this wasteland. But, until somebody invents a time machine, I know you’ll keep being a good man, you’ll keep doing well. It’s just who you are. I can’t pretend to know what you did, or what you went through, before the bombs. But I can say that I have absolute faith that whatever you did, you did it for what you thought were the right reasons, at that’s the most you can do. The most anyone can do. You’ll work through it. All of it. And I’ll be right here to help you, by your side, always. If you’ll have me.”

Will smiled, pressing a soft kiss into Piper’s palm.

“There’s little I want more.”

Piper smiled, pulling Will into a crushing hug, holding him close, trying to convey that everything will be okay, speaking slowly, thoughtfully into his neck.

“We’re all a little broken, Blue. Some more than others. But, sometimes, two broken parts can make a whole.”

Will laughed before pulling black, looking at Piper with a small smile, a slight tinge of mirth sneaking into his voice.

“Are you saying that together we make one person?”

“Just that I’m your better half.”

“We both knew that.”

Silence permeated the room. Will slowly walked over to Kellogg’s sprawled body, standing over it, staring at the old mercenary’s face, looking almost peaceful in death. Piper walked over, standing next to him, looking at the corpse. She spoke first.

“I don’t mean to be nosy… well, I can’t quite say that, but I want to be more tactful than normal…”

“I rate tact? I’m flattered.”

“Don’t get used to it, if one thing never changes it’s my ineptitude at tact. Anyways, what started all of that, Blue?”

A soft sigh was heard besides her and Will reached down, retrieving a piece of bloodied metal which was next to Kellogg’s head, examining it before slipping it into a pocket of his armor, Piper trying to pretend not to see. He then pried the pistol from Kellogg’s quickly cooling hand, retrieving the hand-canon and examining it as he spoke, his voice quiet, private, answering Piper’s question but practically soliloquizing to the weapon.

“I came here hoping to find Shaun. Hoping, beyond anything, that Kellogg still had him, for whatever reason. Hoping I could get my boy back, make up for lost time. No death, no fighting, just find my son. But when Kellogg said Shaun wasn’t here I got… angry. I don’t enjoy fighting, never have, as ironic as that may be for how much I do it or how good at it I apparently am. But Kellogg… I think I enjoyed killing him. And that…”

Piper finished his sentence, slowly, putting a hand on the shining pistol gently, guiding it to Will’s side as she took his other hand.

“That scared you, I know. But it shouldn’t. He was evil. It almost seems… fair.”

“In his memories, I got to see his history, see how he became what he was. He had a family, once. Like me. A future, ruined by men like him. I came in here feeling sorry for him, hoping there was still something I could negotiate with in there. But by the end of our conversation? All I saw was the bastard who took Shaun, murdered Nora. Hell, I’m still not certain whether I feel sorry for killing him.”

“And that’s what makes you a good person, Blue. Bad men don’t feel sorry, they don’t try to understand their enemy. They fight for themselves, and that’s it. They ignore the pain, the suffering, the death they cause. Good men fight, they always have. But they fight for the right reasons. And they never want to fight. You’re a good man, Blue.”

The burning on Piper’s cheek caused her to turn her gaze from Kellogg’s face where it had been fixed, only to be confronted by Will’s strong visage. His lips quickly came and met hers, the kiss short but tender, full of meaning. Silently, he placed her Press Cap back on her, though she didn’t know when he had picked it up (probably during his tirade, but she was too busy being mad at him to notice), adjusting it lightly and smiling when it was just right. He looked at the pistol in his hand before placing it on kellogg’s chest, folding the man’s hands over the weapon before he stood up, nodding to himself, and turned to leave, taking Piper’s hand as they walked out of the military base.

When they exited the building, the world around them was illuminated with sunshine, the clouds practically banished as the crisp New England air nipped at their cheeks with a playful chill. Will and Piper smiled at each other before Will pulled up his pip-boy, turning on Diamond City radio, the strains of almost painfully familiar music floating on the air between them as they started walking, hand in hand, back to Diamond City.

They returned to Piper’s office by the time the sun went down, the trip filled with conversation and laughter and as much happiness as could be stolen after such a battle, stories and retellings thrown between the story collector and the reluctant soldier. When they finally walked through Piper’s door, Will immediately began undoing his combat armor, the plating familiar on his frame but hot on his skin, his comfort in it an all-too-poignant reminder of his violent vocation, both past and present. Piper walked by him, unloading her pistol and taking it and her ammo upstairs, placing a kiss on Will’s cheek as she passed. While she was placing the box of ammo she had taken with her on the desk she heard the stairs behind her creak and turned around to see Will standing with his hands clasped in front of him, almost like a child waiting to talk to their mother. She turned around, smiling.

“What is it, Blue?”

“Thank-you.”

“For… what? I might be a good reporter, but I’m not a mind reader.”

“For everything. For helping me not feel so broken. For travelling with me. For showing me the wasteland isn’t so ugly.”

“There are a few points of beauty, here and there. I guess it’s just in my job description to find them.”

“There’s only one I care about, and I’m looking right at it.”

Piper blushed furiously as she felt her temperature sky-rocket, a nervous laugh escaping as she pushed Will back gently, smiling radiantly as she replied.

“I… Uh… No… You… I’m gonna, gonna stop talking now. Before my foot gets completely lodged in my mouth yet again.”

Will chuckled, lowly, the combination of the sound and his smirk only making piper smile wider. He stepped forwards, taking her hands in his as he looked intently into her eyes.

“Piper Wright. You are the most beautiful part of this wasteland, and I don’t  know what I would do without you.”

This time, despite her furious blushing, Piper was ready, a smirk of her own ready at her lips.

“Yeah, well, maybe not all pre-war relics are useless.”

She heard the best laugh as Will’s lips met hers and she smiled into them.


End file.
